Can I Achieve an Amiable Divorce?
In the best of circumstances, divorce is difficult. It is right near the top on the stress scale . But it doesn’t have to be a disaster. There are ways to keep the stress manageable and make the process aimable. One of those ways is to enter into the Collaborative Divorce process. When a couple gets divorced there is considerable hurt and anger. Sometimes one partner is more interested in the divorce than the other. Sometimes there are financial issues that may be difficult to resolve, and possibly children who need to be cared for. Many details need to be [...]
Divorce and Loss
In divorce, when a child has two involved parents, that child develops a life that of his or her own that doesn't involve both parents. Each parent must learn to tolerate the loss of knowing everything that is going on for their child. It is so hard to realize that your child has a life that you don't know about. But that's what happens when there is a divorce and your child has a good relationship with each parent. In most divorce situations, regardless of the parenting plan, children usually spend some, maybe alternating weekends with the other parent. If [...]
Moving On After Divorce
For many people, moving on after divorce is a very difficult thing to do. It is particularly difficult to move on if your ex has already moved on and seems content with his or her new life and you feel bereft. The truth is that life is not fair. Sometimes people meet new partners and are happy and sometimes people cannot find a new compatable person to be with. Sometimes people are happy to be living on their own, and others are just very lonely. There is no perfect life as there is not perfect situation. We all have to [...]
Change
As the season changes, school starts, the days get shorter and cooler and the fall begins. Many of us are sad that the summer is over. And some people have major life events that are changing. Most of us resist change because it is difficult. But change is inevitable, actually it is the only thing that is guaranteed in life. The Buddhists tell us that we suffer because we resist change, rather than embracing it. It sounds simple, but it's not! We like life to be comfortable, stable, staying the way it has been. Many changes are painful. Separation and [...]
Why Avoid Divorce Court?
In thinking about how to get a divorce, it is helpful to understand the issues about divorce court. Frequently when couples are deciding to get a divorce, they threaten going to court. It is a common threat that often comes out of anger. "If you can't agree to give me (XYZ) I'm going to take this to court!" And sometimes, the situation gets out of hand and couples do end up in court. If they do, generally it is not a good thing. In divorce court, nobody wins. It is a myth to think that a judge will decide the [...]
The Importance of an Amiable Divorce
What really are the benefits of an amiable divorce? In the best of circumstances, divorce is difficult. Actualy, it is right near the top of the stress scale, so talking about divorce being "amiable" is a bit strange. There's no question that divorce is really hard, but it can be accomplished with respect and compassion. When a couple gets divorced, there is generally considerable hurt and anger, so how can this be amiable? It can be if the couple decides to make it so! That depends on the attitude of the parties and the willingness to compromise and cooperate, especially [...]
The Importance of Divorce Coaching
Many people benefit from working with a divorce coach during the difficult process of separating and divorcing. In terms of stress levels, divorce rates as one of the hardest times in people's lives. A divorce coach can help make the process a bit easier. A divorce coach can be helpful in many ways. She can be a tremendous support during a time when the world seems to be falling apart, as the relationship has fallen apart. Working as a neutral, in a team with attorneys, she has the training and ability to monitor the emotional level of meetings and assist [...]
Divorced at the Holidays
Holidays can be very stressful as well as fun, and being divorced adds a whole different dimention. Being divorced can add extra stress to holidays, but some mindful planning can make it a bit easier. Having a positive attitude and realistic expectations always helps. There are no guarantees in life, and change is the only thing we can be sure of. That may not feel very secure, but if we can embrace those concepts, it does make things easier. Everything changes all the time and there are generally good things that come from every change, even if we don't recognize [...]
Why Divorce Coaching?
What is the value of divorce coaching? How is it different from therapy and why would I need it? These are important questions for anyone going through a divorce. Divorce coaching is very valuable for people in the process of divorce who would like the extra support. Going through a divorce is one of the most stressful events a person may encounter in life and having someone to help them step by step through the process who can also communicate with their attorney can be an invaluable asset. In collaborative practice, a divorce coach is a team member with the [...]
Telling Your Children About Your Divorce
Getting divorced is one of the most difficult experiences people can have in life. On the stress scales, it's right up there with death. And the hardest part is telling your children. As a child specialist, one of the things I do is help parents develop the story to tell their children. We always want children to know the truth, but sometimes not the whole truth, and certainly not the details of the truth. Information given is based on the child's age and their understanding of relationships. Most important is to let the kids know that they had nothing to [...]