The Importance of an Amiable Divorce
What really are the benefits of an amiable divorce? In the best of circumstances, divorce is difficult. Actualy, it is right near the top of the stress scale, so talking about divorce being "amiable" is a bit strange. There's no question that divorce is really hard, but it can be accomplished with respect and compassion. When a couple gets divorced, there is generally considerable hurt and anger, so how can this be amiable? It can be if the couple decides to make it so! That depends on the attitude of the parties and the willingness to compromise and cooperate, especially [...]
It’s Holiday Time
What do kids want on holidays? Of course they want gifts, but they also want special experiences, even if they don't know that! While holiday time can be stressful for families, we aim to make it good for the kids. If parents are not together the logistics need to be arranged. Who will have the children for the actual holiday? Will they split the time? Will they see both parents? will they alternate every year? will they have a joint celebration? The answers to these questions depend on how well the parents get along and what they feel they can [...]
Thanksgiving
The Thanksgiving Holiday is often very stressful for separated couples. Figuring out the best way to schedule time with families on both sides is often a challenge, as well as dealing with feelings of loss. Many families have traditions that have been followed for years. When a couple separates, this often throws a wrench in the plans. Who has the kids? What is fair? What works best for the kids? and for the parents? The answers to these questions are not necessarily the same. Sometimes, it is a difficult decision. Some couples simply decide they will alternate the holiday every [...]
Creating a New Post-Divorce Relationship
When parents separate and divorce, they end their marital relationship, but they do not end their parenting relationship. The focus changes. The business of parenting becomes the basis of the new partnership. This is not an easy task. When a couple separate there is obviously a myriad of feelings.....hurt, anger, disappointment and often despair. But if there are children involved, it is important for parents to rise to the occasion and put aside their feelings towards one another. They have a joint task and that is to raise happy and healthy children together. Is that possible? I would say a [...]
The Importance of Divorce Coaching
Many people benefit from working with a divorce coach during the difficult process of separating and divorcing. In terms of stress levels, divorce rates as one of the hardest times in people's lives. A divorce coach can help make the process a bit easier. A divorce coach can be helpful in many ways. She can be a tremendous support during a time when the world seems to be falling apart, as the relationship has fallen apart. Working as a neutral, in a team with attorneys, she has the training and ability to monitor the emotional level of meetings and assist [...]
What’s the “Right” Parenting schedule?
When couples split up, everyone wants to know what's the "right" parenting schedule. The answer is simple, there isn't one! There is no right schedule. Each couple must decide on what the best schedule is for them and their children. Some couples are more comfortable with a completely equal 50/50 schedule and some prefer one parent having physical custody and the other visiting on alternate weekends. What is most important is that both parents are comfortable and agree to the schedule and that they are committed to spending good time with their children. When figuring out a parenting plan, it [...]
Parenting Styles After Divorce
Many parents have anxiety that they have different parenting styles and that will adversely affect their children after divorce. While it is certainly easier if both parents have similar rules in each home when the kids are living in both homes, it doesn't mean that it's necessarily a big problem if the parenting styles are somewhat different. It is more important for kids to have the experience of living with both of their parents. Children are resilient and they learn what they can and cannot do in each home. Just like kids learn what they can and cannot get do [...]
Divorced at the Holidays
Holidays can be very stressful as well as fun, and being divorced adds a whole different dimention. Being divorced can add extra stress to holidays, but some mindful planning can make it a bit easier. Having a positive attitude and realistic expectations always helps. There are no guarantees in life, and change is the only thing we can be sure of. That may not feel very secure, but if we can embrace those concepts, it does make things easier. Everything changes all the time and there are generally good things that come from every change, even if we don't recognize [...]
Shared Parenting
Shared parenting can take many forms and as long as a couple gets along reasonably well, it is optimal for children. What does shared parenting mean? Well, it means that both parents take responsiblity for their kids. The legal term Joint Custody means that each parent is jointly responsible for the health, education and welfare of their children. Neither parent can make a major decision about their children without consultation from the other parent. With joint legal custody, the kids can live primarily with one parent, or they can live with both, depending on the parenting plan. Joint physical custody [...]
Post-Divorce Parenting
Post- divorce parenting is difficult, but can be done successfully with some structure, cooperation and determination. There are a few important keys to success. The first, is to have a clear agreement that spells out the details so there is no ambiguity. The schedule of the parenting plan needs to be very clear. When will each parent be responsible for the child? When is the scheduled pick up or drop off? Once that's established, it needs to be respected. If a drop off is scheduled for 5pm on Sunday, the child should not be dropped off at 5:30! If a [...]
Why Divorce Coaching?
What is the value of divorce coaching? How is it different from therapy and why would I need it? These are important questions for anyone going through a divorce. Divorce coaching is very valuable for people in the process of divorce who would like the extra support. Going through a divorce is one of the most stressful events a person may encounter in life and having someone to help them step by step through the process who can also communicate with their attorney can be an invaluable asset. In collaborative practice, a divorce coach is a team member with the [...]
The Kids Will Be All Right
The biggest anxiety for parents getting a divorce is whether the kids will be all right. But will they? And what can parents do to help them be all right? There are actually many things that parents can do. The most important thing is not to put the kids in the middle....What I mean by that is never question a child about the other parent. Even if you're dying to know if daddy has a girlfriend, don't ask your child! When a child is questioned s/he's put in the middle and feels uncomfortable. Children love both of their parents and [...]